ehm.. alright.
hard to type this because I'm being a victim of awful flashbacks.

So.. being home failed completely.

I'm not at all ready for life or anything the likes..

The first day I abused my body by drinking as much as my lil stomache could take.. ah the breakdown was awful but well deserved. fell asleep naked with a bucket on my head.


the next day.. I went outside on my own.. and just walked.
Walked for so long through paths I did not know.. just walking.

I ended up at Alma's place
Lucky me.

Eh.. let's skip some details and let's go straight to where things got fucked..

I took 15 sleeping pills.

Oh fuck I had no idea what was real anymore. Alma lay right next to me in bed.. but she wasn't there. She was talking to me and she left.. and I went barefooted through the bigass building to find her. For the whole night. I kept seeing people I knew I couldn't realise it made no sense for them to be there.

Alma kept flashing infront of me here and there but was gone again then.. I lost my stuff on the floor and it sunk into the stairs. I was desperately trying to get them out..
I don't know if anyone saw me.. it must've looked fucking creepy.

I saw so much, witnessed so much only to then get found by alma when the sun came up who made me realise what the fuck truely was happening. It's still hard to believe. it would be easier if I knew it was only a dream.. but I was actually gone, I dressed up completely and walked aimlessly through the building followed by visions that affected all my senses.

I keep having flashbacks.. I went to clinic this morning.. checked everything and am home now to pack my things again.

So here we go.
I still failed the real life. and I couldve died.
My luck I didn't get on a horror and saw alma lying somewhere dead. I was pretty suicidal at that time anyways, but I had a task to complete. Had to rescue her after all..

heh.. I suck.

Just wanted to say that I won't be back before a long time again.
I'm silly.

<3