Blah Blah Blah Chicken in a basket                by Tim Frommeyer

..I was finally ready.
I've checked everything on my list  and was ready to do my final movement.
The overdose of randomly picked medications that I took started setting in, my body felt numb all over. The setting sun was so beautiful I couldn’t help but to shed a last tear at the sight of it. The air was fresh. I couldn’t have picked a better moment than this.
I stood up, barely being able to stabilize my balance.  The panorama I got to see had more impact on me than anything I ever witnessed before. The horizon, so far away behind all these mountains, and me standing right on top. My wrists were cut. I knew I had to end it now, in order to get anything out of it  before fainting.. and so I collected all life I had left into this final jump. I started running down the hill, I saw the end of it and I knew what was ahead..
I felt great. It was perfect.
I don’t remember much after that..  I just fell..  .. and fell..  and I continued falling..
It never stopped, it was an endless loop.. I had my eyes closed during the whole time, falling head first. I couldn’t focus my thoughts at all.. I was trying to remember what made me do this.. What could’ve possible driven me this far, up to the point where I decited against life?
I couldn’t remember..  I started regreting the decision i took..  I was feeling sick and scared.
I didn’t wanna die. “I DON’T WANT TO DIE!”, I heard myself shouting inside my head.
I tried calming myself down.. “It’s too late now for that bullshit. Enjoy the damn moment. You have all reasons to look forward to death. There’s nothing left for you here.”
I realised I was right.  
I opened my eyes in order to see how far away the ground would be,  the fall felt strangely long to me. Flashed by the intense bright lights I used my arms to defense myself from these painful sunrays. As my vision unblurred  I was speechless..   I didn’t know what to feel about what the hell I was experiencing.    I... wasn’t falling..   In fact, I hadn’t moved at all from my original position on the hill.  My wrists weren’t cut either.  I couldn’t describe the feeling that was going through my body at that moment.. It was a mixture of getting soaked out of reality completety   and being born again.  My mind had not enough capacity to realise and work out  the feelings rushing through my head. The adrenaline rush made me jump up. I was euphoric. I started laughing.  It wasn’t a histerical laugh, it was pure joy. I felt like a baby experiencing a whole new world. I wasn’t interested in any questions, nor answers.  I had no urge to be aware of what had happend or what would happen.  I was living. I was alive and in harmony with everything around me. The shapes of the clouds and the colour of the sky.  The grass under my feet, I was appreciating it’s existance.  The trees and their leafs.. the damn leafs.. I was living each single one of them. I never felt such harmony in my life. I never before felt like I was a part of nature  but at that moment  I was everything.  It felt as if I’d consume everything I was seeing.  It filled me, it fullfilled me. It was too much. I had to move.
I felt as if I would explode if I wouldn’t start running..  
It felt intense, the combination of all of what was going on inside of me, and now feeling my body.  It all rushed back into my head. I saw myself running inside my head. I concentrated on my body, and I slowly became aware of my existance..  None of the illogical depressive theories that I made myself believe in in my previous life. I was becoming AWARE OF WHAT I AM.   No words could describe it,  in no way could I put this onto paper.
I finally knew what I was, who I was, and no science and no religion would be right about it this time. The overwhelming emotions and awareness shot tears into my eyes  and in a split second of time (which no longer was a matter in my world) I broke down. I ran for too long.
It was too much for my weak body to stand.  All feelings and all thoughts were flowing through my body like blood, everything became a part of me and I became a part of it all.
There no longer was a difference between anything. Everything made sense.
“This is it.  This is it. This is it...”, I mumbled continously, laying on the ground, while I slowly started losing conciousness. I no longer was in need of my physical form  as I fused with the ground, with the air that you’re breathing and the water that is part of your body. I became aware of it all and so it became aware of me, accepting me into it’s perfect cycle.
I didn’t die that day.. I became a part of life.
...   ^O^